He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
