Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
