I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
