I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
