..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
