Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
