You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
