Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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