Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
