We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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