dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
