No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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