im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
