the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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