Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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