I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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