Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she peed on how many people?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
