he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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