So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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