I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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