You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
