There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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