sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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