Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
