isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
