How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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