i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
