Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
