I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
