I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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