its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
