why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
