It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
