i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think people are normalizing furries
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
