Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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