I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
