My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
