ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Terrible idea I love it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
