I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
