Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish you could order shots online.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
