Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
