I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
