All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
