Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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