i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
