somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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