I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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