He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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