I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
