What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
