Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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