Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
