apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
