There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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