apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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