Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
