Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
