This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
