nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
