Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
