I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize