They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
