I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
