I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
These tits shall not be calmed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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