My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
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Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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