So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
