He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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