Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm passing your future prison.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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