I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
