hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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