i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
