i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
