he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
