i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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