A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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