I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
