i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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