Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
