When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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