yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
