His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
