u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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