I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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