I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just forgot I was standing up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
