I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
