it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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