so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
